Sweet and Savoury Dreams

Rob and Bruce are both on the couch. Bruce is fast asleep while Rob watches Netflix.

Bruce starts having a vivid dream. His paws are moving, his jowls twitch, and he starts muffled barks, howls, and growls.

Rob smiles and gently pats Bruce, who immediately wakes up and looks around, unsure of where he is.

Rob: Sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to wake you.

Bruce: It’s okay.

Bruce looks around trying to get his bearings.

Bruce: Wow, I was out!

Rob: You sure were. Must have been one Hell of a dream.

Bruce: Oh, it was.

Rob: Sometimes, when you have those vivid dreams, I think you’re dreaming about biting me.

Rob starts laughing. Bruce awkwardly joins in.

Rob: Wait! Were you dreaming of biting me?

Bruce: No.

Rob: You were!

Bruce: No, I wasn’t.

Rob: I can’t believe this.

Bruce: Relax! It was just a weird random dream. In fact, I can barely remember it.

Both sit in silence as Bruce stares at Rob’s leg.

Rob: Why are you staring at my leg like that?

Bruce: I’m not staring at your leg.

Bruce continues to stare at Rob’s leg.

Rob: You’re drilling a hole through it with your eyes!

Bruce: You’re paranoid. I’m embarrassed for you.

Rob: Then why are you drooling?!

Bruce quickly wipes the drool from his jowl.

Bruce: Fine! I dreamt about biting you, okay? Are you happy now? Jeesh. Pour another glass of drama.

An awkward silence descends.

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Rob: What did I taste like?

Bruce: I hope to God I’m still dreaming right now.

Rob: I have a right to know.

Bruce sighs.

Bruce: Delicious. You were fucking delicious.

Rob processes the information.

Rob: Well, that’s not so bad. I mean, it’s not like I gave you food poisoning.

Bruce: Oh, it was the complete opposite. I devoured you. Your face was incredibly tender.

Rob: Really?

Bruce: I know dogs that would pay top dollar to eat your face. Honestly, you should be very proud of the way you tasted. Very well seasoned and balanced.

Rob: Huh, actually, I am. Thank you!

Bruce: No, thank you. Besides, it’s not like I dreamt about humping you!

Bruce laughs. Rob stares a Bruce.

Rob: You haven’t dreamt of that have you?

Bruce: No! Gross!

Silence falls between the two.

Rob: Am I ugly?

Bruce: What? I’m not answering that.

Rob: Is that why my face was so tender? Because of all the fat?

Rob is frantically feeling and pinching his cheeks.

Bruce: I’m done here. You really need to start dating again.

Bruce hops off the couch and leaves.

Rob sits in silence, feeling his face, lost in thought. He looks down and slowly lifts his arm to his mouth and takes a bite.

Rob: Ow!

Rob rubs his arm.

Rob: A little more savoury then I imagined.

Rob looks over, and Bruce is staring at him.

Bruce: Maybe you’re not ready to date.