It's Okay... To Silently Fester in Negativity
In this week’s episode, I’m going to show you why letting things fester inside of you is the best way to not only be the over emotional alpha in your relationships but to also really lock down your mediocrity!
We’ve all been in this situation from one time or another and some of you hopefully are experiencing this right now. Someone wrongs you and you correctly overblow it. Whether it’s your significant other, family member, friend, co-worker, or stranger, never let anyone off the mental hook. Let their accidental transgression or simple miscommunication stick deep in your craw.
For instance say you receive an email that sets you off and you wisely create a negative fictional scenario that sends you spinning further into frustration about the email, and more importantly, the person who sent it. Instead of responding to the email, you choose instead to stew in your anger, which then adds another barrel of rage fuel to the revenge porn narrative you’re creating in your mind. Like we’re talking epic Oscar worthy storytelling and acting going on in your brain right now…
“How could they say that?”
“Do they even understand what they’re talking about?”
“I’ll show them when this fails miserably and I can laugh in their stupid smug face!”
“Maybe now the boss will see why no one likes a kiss ass!”
Then after a couple of hours of stewing, plotting, and mental revenging, when every fibre of your being is on fire with misguided passive aggressive rage, you get a follow up email from that same a-hole person clarifying what they meant and apologizing for any misunderstandings it may have caused. And suddenly everything is okay with the world again... Except of course for the amped up rage coursing through your veins that has nowhere to go. So you wisely continue to play out those revenge scenarios to deal with the built up stress venom instead of foolishly just realizing it was all a simple misunderstanding and letting it go by “finding your breath”, which is hippy speak for being a wuss. Why would you want to throw away all that stress that your body just wasted time and energy building? Is that a wise way to deal with something? To simply let it wash away? Of course not!
Say your partner doesn’t respond to your text immediately but you know they read it. Harbour on why. Let your self-created overblown conspiracy theories haunt and torment you. They’re having an affair! They don’t love you! They’re mad at you because of that confusing email you sent earlier! Let your mind go to the worst-case scenario and hangout there. Even though in reality they’re driving, they had to go to a meeting, or simply got distracted while planning that surprise getaway for the two of you. That still doesn’t excuse them for sending you into a self-created state of fear and anxiety. That’s on them. They should apologize immediately or you’ll withhold affection, emotional support, not go to their promotion dinner, or you’ll ruin their surprise get away with what they’ll later refer to as your poor attitude.
Triple down on what’s aggravating you! Hold on to it but never let the other person know what’s going on till they blindly apologize for it. Let it infect your perspective so when you do see that person you’re so blinded by rage and annoyance that you’re cold and dismissive to them. Let them panic as they desperately try to remember what they did to you and keep it up until they rightfully give you a blanket apology for whatever they did. That’s how you maintain being the emotional Alpha.
However be prepared that they might not even know they did something wrong or feel it’s now harmlessly water under the bridge. If that’s the case, good luck trying to get your entitled apology. More than likely, they’ll just assume you’re in another one of your moods and that’s when you have to be prepared to dig in deep and let that frustration fester inside of you till even you can’t remember what they did.
The worst thing you can do in situations like this is ask for clarification. That just shows you’re stupid and you don’t understand simple communication. It’s safer to live in confusion and rage. That way you can spin the confusion on them for not being clear enough rather than them having to dumb it down for you. That’s being passive aggressive 101. That’s how you protect yourself from pitfalls of happiness. That’s how you embrace the incredible power of your mediocrity!