3 Reason Why Healthy Eating is Overrated
Healthy eating is high maintenance, and if there's one thing we need less of in this world, it's drama... Unless we're the ones causing it because our BS is valid.
In this week's episode, I'm going to prove why healthy eating is overrated with three obvious reasons. There are way more than three, but I'm lazy, and you have more important things to do like watch Netflix.
Ever feel like the produce section of the grocery store is a scavenger hunt for things that only clutter up your fridge, leaving you zero room for your leftover takeout? Forcing you to eventually rent a hazmat suit and a power washer to decontaminate your amateur centre for disease control in the fridge so you can make room for a third bottle of ketchup and more fresh groceries to die alone in the cold darkness of your frigid dungeon of edible doom.
“Dead broccoli walking!”
Meanwhile, the processed, high sugar, artificial ingredients, aisles are in beautiful straight lines of convenience. There’s no need to stress yourself out with the bull crap of fresh food when you can just grab something heavily processed with an ingredient list that reads like a chemistry textbook and will outlive most cats.
Why spend 15-minutes feeling avocados pretending you know what a ripe one feels like? NO ONE KNOWS THAT! Its ripe window is literally five minutes. Besides, you’re just going to forget that you bought it, only to find its mushy remains in your fruit bowl with all the other misfit science experiments, which have been hiding under a pile of takeout menus because let’s be honest, that’s what fruit bowls are really for.
That’s why this week, I’m going to highlight three reasons why eating healthy is overrated. For the record, there are way more than three reasons, but due to our increasingly short attention spans, I’ll keep this brief. Also, I encourage you to listen to this while eating fast food and lamenting about your unchangeable yet quite changeable life.
1. Eating healthy is high maintenance
Healthy cooking takes forever. The planning. The shopping. The prepping. The making. The cleaning. It’s a two-hour production. That’s why someone was wise enough to put a tiny nuclear reactor inside an easy bake oven so we could instantly turn frozen artificial meals into scalding, lava, sludge in 2 minutes, and it only takes an hour to cool down before it’s almost edible. The future’s today people!
When it comes to buying fresh, healthy, food, you’re watching your hard earned money decompose in front of your eyes in real time. Every second you avoid eating that banana or bag of spinach means you get to watch it die as it helpless pleads with you to put it out its misery. Fresh food reeks of desperation, and then it just reeks.
Artificial and heavily processed food is dismissive of you like the cool kids in high school, which only makes you want to hang out with them more even though you know they’re just going to lead you to trouble and betray your innocent trust and next thing you know you’re in the ruthless diabetes gang.
It’s the golden age of convenience, simply pull out your phone and have something delicious appear in front of your door like magic. No need to intentionally ignore nutritional information or ingredients. Put your trust that Jack’s Wing Emporium has fat free oil for frying. Sure you can probably find that information online or by asking but who has time for that? Also, you don’t have to worry about measurements and portion sizes on a take-out menu because it thankfully comes in one size…. Just order and pay in seconds. Then wait 40 minutes to an hour on your couch relaxing instead of making something boring aka “healthy”.
2. Healthy food is bland AF
Truth bomb: Healthy food doesn’t have flavour because healthy things aren’t loaded with trans fats, salt, and refined sugars. Quick quiz: Broccoli vs chips, which do you want right now? Exactly.
On paper, broccoli is the way healthier option, and yet it tastes awful. Awful. Unless you’re like me who eats it raw because I get that my body needs it. Meanwhile, chips are delicious! Crispy chemical drench wafers and puffs of zero nutritional benefit. Want a pro tip? Put your chips in your salad bowl to make it seem like you’re eating healthy.
We look at science and big pharma to make our lives better. Why are we living in the past with vegetables, fruits, and the other relics of Nature when food scientists are finding new delicious additives that our body doesn’t know how to process properly? I can’t overstate this enough… The future’s today, people, it is today!
Besides, what the Hell does Nature know? If Nature is so smart why can snakes move faster, without arms and legs, than the 72% of Americans over the age of 20 who are considered overweight and obese in a recent study? The point is Nature doesn’t make sense.
3. Healthy Eating is Arrogant
Have you ever hung out with a healthy eater? They are incredibly annoying. Trust me. That’s why people don’t ask me to go grab a bite to eat. Sure I have a cheat day where I can eat what I want, but I have to earn that stupid opportunity by eating healthy the other 6.5 days a week and bust my tired ass in the gym. I’m an adult! I should be able to eat what I want when I want! Why am I asking me for permission? But no, I have to eat healthy because of my family's history of medical issues, wanting a higher quality of life, and fuelling my body to exercise. You know what happens on my cheat day? Nothing. NOTHING! Because all the stuff I want to eat tastes like crap and my body feels gross after eating it, and I end up eating healthy anyway. How is that living?
That’s why eating healthy is arrogant because all our pent up moodiness gets masked as preachiness so we can release it without letting people know that all we really want is a God damn cheeseburger.
Here’s some over processed food for thought, how come there seems to be a food recall for so-called healthy food every other week? Meanwhile when was the last time you heard of a Cheetos recall? Boom.
Look, I’m no historian, but the ancient Egyptians use to pump their mummies full of preservatives so they could forever. Why wait till we die to do that? Get those bodies humming with today’s processed food preservatives and additives and start living forever… until you get a preventable disease from your poor diet. But that’s big pharma’s problem to solve and thankfully not yours. That calls for an extra large pizza for one!